Entering a new decade - my thirties.
February 2023
(Caution: themes of self harm and trauma)
I am so happy to be out of my twenties, respectfully. I’m grateful for the good, the bad and the powerful that has led me to where I am today because now, I feel ready to enter this new decade with confidence.
Well maybe I’m not so grateful for the nasty hangovers, but I digress.
I didn’t think I would make it this far in life. When you live so much of your life thinking you won’t make it to see your next birthday, life becomes very dull. And I definitely overstayed my visit in the department of dread and gloominess. It wasn’t until therapy that I started to find my light again. Which is why entering this birthday month with arms wide open is so essential to me. Because honestly, this is the first birthday that I knew I would be around for.
I’d give anything to give my 10-year-old self a hug and to say, “Life is going to get so much harder, and yet, SO much brighter. Keep living. Keep creating. Keep breathing. You’re going to be okay.” I know that the inner child is healing within me as time moves forward.
Last year I was diagnosed with ADHD, for the second time and a slew of other things that fall under the neurodivergent umbrella - depression, CPTSD, etc, etc. I used to think chaos was what made me thrive, but that’s just because I never had access to a world where chaos didn’t exist.
We all have trauma that we carry around on our backs, I am not alone in that. But there were moments when my trauma altered my perception of reality to where I thought I was alone. Got to love depression and trauma for being one challenging dynamic duo to overcome. Now, I feel empowered to share my truth, because no matter what you may be struggling with, you are never alone, even when you can’t see it. I promise.
And if you still can’t find your light, just know my door is wide open. I want to empower you, whoever you are, to find what nourishes your soul, makes you want to get out of bed and move through the world in all the beauty you hold.
My advice, because I feel like now I can give that, is to be honest with yourself about where you are. When we name our emotions, we bring awareness to the forefront of our minds. It’s like muscle memory so that when life throws a million spirals at you, you can name what you are holding and hopefully, find support systems to lean on. You’ll find the people who love you, endlessly, who will be unconditionally honest and respect you, who will lift you up in every possible way and won’t be afraid to be there for you when you fall.
There is so much beauty in finding yourself. If you can’t see your beauty now, my hope is that you will soon. We all deserve to be seen, to be loved and to be our most authentic selves, always. Keep shining your light, you will find your way.
